My Confessionals

A bit of our beloved home #1

2012-01-23T23:37:00.005+08:00

I am counting days to my new job assignment in KL soon, and with that I have mixed emotions.

Especially to this home.

I love this house so much, we poured so much love on it, it became our sanctuary, and took heed many milestones.

We have not decided on what to do with it yet. Since selling a house this young this year is not so ideal,maybe it makes a good homestay. We will decide soon.

I noticed that I have not really blogged about this house since we moved in 2009, so here it goes, an entry (and a few more soon) dedicated to our beloved home.

And so the weaning begins.....

2012-01-21T23:47:00.005+08:00

As much as I do enjoy that intimate bonding moments of breastfeeding, I know that weaning will eventually come. When I started to think about it, I was always wondering when it would happen, and most of all, whether when the time comes, would it be me or my baby who will be more ready.

My breastfeeding journey started off quite bumpy, but Alhamdulillah I made it through. I am glad that I did not give up that easily, even though I did not manage to go exclusive, but at least I made it a priority.

Due to my bumpy start, I prepared for the worst. So what I did was I planned my breastfeeding in smaller chunks of time, meaning to say, I strived to breastfeed for the first 6 months, then 8 months, and then I just let circumstance progress. Next thing I know, I am still breastfeeding at my baby's age of 15 months, and that is quite a good achievement. We both still enjoy the moments, but it is starting to happen less frequently now.

You may wonder why I am starting to wean Bella so early, but let me just say again, I have started the weaning process, not wean a la cold turkey.

I have done some readings on weaning, and after doing so, I have made up my mind that I want to use the gradual weaning method. Why so? Because I'd prefer that Bella weans on her own terms, and at the same time, I also do not want her to grow too attached and start to rely on Ms B's for her only comfort.

I also don't think that going cold turkey is the best way, I mean, to me its just too abrupt and may cause frustrations to both of us. And of course because of the motherhood sentiment of breastfeeding.

So how do I do it, this gradual weaning?

Now here is my plan :

I have stopped my pumping sessions at work. This too did not happen abruptly, I actually moved down from 3 sessions, to 2 , to 1 and then no more.

I am currently teaching Bella to sleep on her own, which will no longer requires her to nurse to sleep. There is this whole topic about sleep by the way, I think I should write about it soon. In a nutshell, Bella was so reliant on Ms B to fall asleep when I am around, and she even wakes up too frequently at night, and wants Ms B to make her fall asleep again.

I eliminate 1 nursing session each day, and replace it with 1 bottle feeding for her daily milk intake.

I still let her nurse throughout the day, but I make sure that it is not during naptime or bedtime.

I still nurse her first thing in the morning when she wakes up.

Well, let's just hope that by the time she turns 2, she will wean completely without much fuss.

I am lying if I say I am not even a bit emotional to this, but being a mom also teaches you to learn to let go. I am just grateful that I am able to provide my baby with the best gift that I could ever give in her life. I am sure that Bella will continue this beautiful bonding with her children too, one fine day.

The King's Speech : My favorite line.

2012-01-17T12:16:00.004+08:00

Bertie (King) : "My physician said smoking relaxes the throat.."
Lionel (Therapist) : "They are idiots.."
Bertie (King) : "They have been knighted..."
Lionel (Therapist) : "Makes it official then..."

One word. Superb!

Wordless Anyday #5 : Chocolate Moustache

2012-01-11T22:25:00.002+08:00

On parenting.

2012-01-08T01:01:00.007+08:00

There was once a time when I was single,I used to pass judgements especially about how certain parents raise their children.

Like parents who leave their children in a car unattended, or parents who lets their kids run around in a restaurant when everyone else are trying to enjoy their meals. Or parents who spoil their kids by being too pampering, and parents who just let their child cry their lungs off without making any speck of effort to calm them down.

But the table turned when I had my own. Slowly I came to reasoning, instead of merely passing judgement. I have figured that I should stop judging how other parents raise their children, because parenting is something that is very subjective. There is no hard and fast rules to parenting. Children are just too unique, each and every one of them brings different sets of challenges.

There are loads of parenting books out there, and not to mention websites. But those are merely guides, I do not think that there is such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution.

Parents are humans too. So,bad decisions are bound to be made. What's important is we equip ourselves with the necessity to be a better parent, like learning from a mistake and always strive to do our best for our children. Being a parent is also a learning process, and like all other knowledge it sticks better in the head (and heart) when you experience it. People around us can criticize and compare, but we are the ones who should know our children best. Accept advises though, because there is no harm in it and it may turn out good too.

In parenting I always believe in this : Childrens are a reflection of their parents. How we behave, and how we lead our lives will ultimately shape our children's personality.With that in mind, Insha Allah we will continuously better ourselves to instill all the good things and values in our children's life.

*************************************************************************************

On another note, my weekend has been productive! I have conquered the paper monster, well there may be some more of them but mostly, I did it! Now I am proud to say that all my important documents are tucked neatly in their files, and the aftermath, 2 bags of stashed papers!

Next project, a Household Binder. I was inspired by IHeartOrganizing, so find out more here! :)

Well hello there 2012.

2012-01-01T15:50:00.006+08:00

Is it really 2012 already?

Oh dear, 2011 flew by so swiftly. I have a living and walking proof, my dear daughter. Yesterday all she could do is sleep and now, pfft, sleep probably be the last thing in her mind.

Anyway, in retrospect, 2011 was for me, a year of change.

As to why I say so, well, for starters I usually said Happy Mother's Day to my mom, and last year, I said it to myself. I survived a full year of motherhood, full of ups and downs.

Hubby had to quit his job in Kerteh and had to take a better one in Kota Bharu. A tough but important decision for the family's sake, so I had to learn to accept living apart from him again.

I changed my job, from a downright boring job to a full fledge "adventurous" one, in August. I did not move to another company,no, but that transfer was not something I regretted at all. The process of getting a new job started early in the year, and eventually I got it towards the end.

A few months later, I was offered a position in my company's Shah Alam office, much to my delight. I grabbed the opportunity and now I can't wait to move on very soon. Now this is a big change, I am moving out of Kuantan, after 5 years! Yeah I know it has not happened yet, but last year, it started.

Much of my blog entries and Tweets revolves around all the said things above, I have to admit that. But trust me, there are lots of other things going on in my life as I speak.

If you can recall, I wrote down my 2011 resolutions in this blog last year, but then it's a shame when I go back to it, I could not cross off most of them. Probably because I was being too general, or too ambitious. And some of it are not resolutions actually, it is more of a work in progress.

So this year, I have decided not to write new resolutions per se, but instead, I am going to continue and improve on the work in progress (WIP).

As a reminder to my own self, here is what I wrote last year, and please find my updates in green (LOL this sounds like one of my emails at work) :

1) I have been complaining about my job for some time, and I think now is the time for me to do something about it. So I am getting a new job this year. --- Done :)
2) Get a scuba diving license --- This may be too ambitious, but I will keep on trying. So this is WIP.
3) Keep-in-touch better with families and friends --- WIP baby, lots of catching up yet to do.
4) Be happy with my body image --- Eat more healthily, and keep the patience. I know, weight is not lost overnight.
5) Get back on the fitness track --- Still trying hard to find time. WIP.
6) Travel somewhere far --- I made plans last year, but it did not happen. So WIP too.
7) Be a better person, as a whole. --- This is too general isn't it? But anyway I think this is WIP as long as I am still alive.

Yup, that's about it. Good luck again, me!

Wordless Anyday : Little Explorer

2011-12-17T00:19:00.002+08:00

What's Cookin'

2011-12-11T22:44:00.004+08:00

Yes, I have been cooking on and off. As busy as I get, sometimes I myself wonder how in the world did I still find time to cook something. I guess it lies in the passion, and the fact that just being in the kitchen is an utter joy and satisfaction to me.

These days I cook almost every night. Not everytime heavy meal, but definitely something from my own kitchen. Since I started to eat more healthily (part of a very slow diet plan), I do not have much option on healthy take-aways. So I had to resort to making my own.

Just want to share some new things I have tried lately, puff pastries and muffins, and a homemade caesar salad. Yeay!

Chicken and Vege Pie

Pain Au Chocolat (not so fashionable LOL)

Caesar Salad

Choc Chip Muffins

I could not thank God enough.

2011-12-02T17:32:00.003+08:00

I have been trying to stay positive and count my blessings everyday. I have realized that doing this improves my quality of life, and frees me from unnecessary worries and woes (even though sometimes I fail. I am just a human).

Ever since the uplifting thing that happened to me (in my previous post), I just could not thank God enough.

At some point I feel afraid to get too excited and happy. I do not consider myself a superstitious person but sometimes when I am in a happy and blissful state, there is a little portion of my heart that still does not allow me to express it too out loud.

It almost feels like if I do it, anything bad can happen to take it back from me. Like there is something hiding in the dark closet that will just pop out and haunt me just because it does not like to see me being happy.

Or maybe in plain words, I am just afraid that I overdo it.

But anyway, good news is meant to be shared right? I feel wrong if I do not share my happiness with people who deserve it. And I do not see any harm in announcing it to my fellow readers. Its not like I will be ambushed by Melodi or what anyway right? Right. LOL

Alhamdulillah, my plan to get transferred to an office in KL/Selangor is finally taking place. At first, I have made my mind to resign, but by having supportive superiors, eventhough they were reluctant of letting me go, they still offered to help me address my family constraints.

I was prepared to stay on for another 4 months at least, but Alhamdulillah God has an even better plan for me. I was offered a new job in another totally new field for me in our Selangor office – Marketing Operations (but not salesman ya!)

If everything goes smoothly, I will be based in KL again by next February.

Meanwhile, this is no joyride for me at all. I have loads of things to prepare: work and family wise. Work wise, there are a lot of things that I have to handover properly, if not the efforts that I have made during my short tenure in my current place will just go in the drain. Family wise - house hunting, planning for the move, financing and finding the right fitting daycare for my baby. Don’t mention about other petty things that will come along the way. For that, I guess I will just go with the flow.

I will try to write as much as I can, just for the sake of documenting my experience. I hope that I find the time. House hunting has officially begun, this weekend we have a few appointments already. Hope it goes well. We are going to scout around for Bella’s daycare too.

I hope that with this move, things are going to get better. Its good that I get to spend more time with my parents and in laws and maybe catch up with some old friends again. Most importantly, Bella will get to see her abah everyday and I get to cook for hubby and take care of him again :)

P/s: I foresee that the new job is something to talk about too, but I will just keep it tucked in my mind for now. Heheh.

Silver Lining

2011-11-19T16:28:00.005+08:00

The ball is rolling now. And everything is starting to fall into place.

Alhamdulillah, I have received an uplifting news this week, and it is in accordance to what we have planned (even better).

Its just a matter of getting it on paper now, and Insha Allah I will be living in KL again by early next year.

With it comes a lot of preparations though, including the biggest task of home hunting and finding the right place to live. In that what I meant is getting the most convenient location, in spite of knowing that avoiding the hecticness of a city is almost impossible. Gotta admit that I am going to miss this place big time.

I will write again with solid statements, once everything is confirmed. Right now I am just praying that the rest of the plan moves smoothly :)

Sharing the load

2011-11-02T16:24:00.003+08:00

I have never been in a more sensitive emotional state, not ever since I became a mother.

Since I had a child of my own, I grew more in touch with the emotions department. I could not bare hearing of the bad things that people do to babies and children nowadays, especially in my own country, as of late. Don’t mention watching videos of a child being tortured, I just won’t find a reason to watch it. Remember the toddler in China who got run over? I did not even bother to watch the video; I don’t know how people could watch it. It just hurts me inside.

I shed a tear whenever I read/hear about the trials and the tribulations of other moms, like having a special needs child, or having to take care of a child with a terminal illness/disease. It is almost like there is this invisible connection among us, some sort of a camaraderie that makes us pray and hold on to each other for support. There is this kind of a shared sentiment, that when one is hurt, the other feels it.

I salute these mothers for their perseverance and unconditional love; because I do not have the slightest idea how strong I could be if God is to test me with these kinds of trials.

Well, as the one watching we may have no idea how it feels like to them, but there is always a way to help. Anything. Even just a simple prayer.

I have one follower who just discovered that her child has autism.Click here to read her story. And send up a prayer for them too, if you will :)

"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop" - Mother Theresa

Tutu Up!

2011-10-28T16:09:00.005+08:00

When you have a little girl, you just can't stop dressing her up, and filling up her wardrobe just like how you fill yours. I know, I know, I should not spoil her with too much clothes but try having a cutie lil girl for yourself. Trust me, resistance is futile. LOL.

It's about time that I get this for my little princess :

Aren't they soooo adorable? Aaahhh I can't wait to put it on Bella.Now that she is finally on her feet, it would be perfecto!

I found this online shop selling custom made tutus for little girls and ladies in Malaysia. I am sure you will fall in love with it too! :)

All it takes is effort.

2011-10-17T22:42:00.004+08:00

I am unusually sleepy tonight. At 10.15pm just now I decided that I am going to call it a night.But here I am, half an hour later, writing again.

I need the sleep though, so I will keep (try) to keep this simple.

Well there are a lot of things going on in my life right now, mostly the ones that comes and goes, like preparing for my baby's 1st birthday, or doing the dishes or the laundry. But one has not yet found an ending, yes, my dilemma or let's just say my inability to cope with the distance between me and my husband.

You see, after living together for quite a while, I already grew comfortable living together. But as life goes on, we had to encounter another crossroad, which in the end requires distance as a temporary solution. So I thought I'd live with it.

Like I said, I suck at distance. So I am at a crossroads again : What am I going to do to solve this problem?

I have 2 options, quit work and follow the hubs, or stay. So which one am I going to choose?

In making this decision, I had to really think of it. Like really think the hell out of me. So here I am, still indecisive. Like all other things, those 2 options have their pros and cons. I weigh it out all the time, in my mental note and even scribbling it in my organizer during a meeting.

I was this close to quitting my job, but then, just when I was about to finalize it, God lit another path for me. And that path is to continue working (because to be realistic, I have to have RM30K to pay for my study loan if I quit now). But working here, is not an option. So I am going to give it a go, I am trying out for a transfer to KL. Why KL? Because according to my hubs plan, next year, God willing, he will be relocated to KL again.

Efforts, have to be made. It's not going to be easy breezy, but I believe that with some efforts and prayers, I will be there eventually.

I guess my dream of becoming a successful domestic goddess has to wait a while. I wish I could realize it early but it seems that time is not permitting it, yet.

Pray for me will you?

Bella's 1st Birthday Bash!

2011-10-10T11:20:00.002+08:00

I was a bit occupied for the past few weeks, hence the silence and lack of updates. To be honest I was occupied physically and mentally, the first with the preparation of my brother’s engagement hantaran and Bella’s Bday Bash, the latter with some difficult life changing decision that I have to make. Well lets just keep that for later.

I have updated my Wedding Inspiration blog with my hantaran handiwork, so if you wish to view it, click here.

Anyway…not meaning to mellow down this entry, here are some ideas on what happened last weekend – Bella’s 1st Birthday Bash! Oh dear, she is now 1 year old, and like usual, I still cannot believe that time flies ever so fast.

I reckon she had a blast, eventhough the fact is as she grows up she may not remember the party, but I made sure that I snapped as many pics as I can for our keepsake.

Bella just took her first few steps last week, right about time. The moment she made her move I was so overwhelmed, I could not help shedding some happy tears. She is not yet really stable with her feet yet, but I am sure that it would come soon considering the high amount of practice.Besides walking, she is also now more sociable, and able to mimic as a response to people. Not to mention that she is slowly developing a mind of her own, like having a favorite toy or a preferred food.

The party theme was of Balloons and Bubbles, and I incorporated multi-coloured concept for the decorations. I did all the decorations DIY style (proud momma), and managed to stick to our budget. Even though it rained a bit catsy n dogsy, but towards the afternoon thankfully it subsided. The children I invited helped create the ambience that I was looking for, and Bella did have fun with the bubbles even when she still could not blow her own.

Thank you to everyone who made it to the party, and for all those wonderful gifts too. Bella sure appreciates it so much!

Wordless Anyday #3 : Eeeek!

2011-09-18T22:42:00.002+08:00

What Syawal has taught me

2011-09-02T16:13:00.002+08:00

This Syawal my dad was hit with the most saddening event, his best friend passed away on the 2nd raya.He passed on peacefully after he finished his Isya' prayers, while resting on his beloved wife's lap. Just like that, when the time comes, Allah can take us away from this deceiving world in an instant.

As all other people Eid is the perfect time to catch up with relatives, those we rarely meet after the previous raya ended,those we meet once a year. And each year,everyone seems to grow a bit older. Babies became toddlers,teens became adults, and adults grow some more white hair and a little wrinkle.

The usual questions would be what is this kid doing now, where is he/she studying, when is this cousin getting married, and who gave birth to another baby. Or how is grandpa doing, is he healthy and still strong, or how did granny coped with some headache she complained of earlier this year. Also some anecdots and reminiscense of the old times, aunties will start telling stories about how we grew up, and how mischievous we were when we were kids. Storytelling time was mostly filled with joyful laughter and made grandpa's house alive.

And then Eid ends. And then we wait for another year, until we all catch up again. Meanwhile everyone continue and move on with their daily lives.

A lot of things could happen in a year. Good and bad things. Life goes on, and time does not wait for any man. We were born,then we go to school. Next thing we are making our own living, get married, have a baby or two. Then our kids grow up, they get married and we have grandkids. And then we grow older and older and when the time comes, we all die. The circle goes on and on, and after all the world is always temporary.

The question is how prepared are we to meet our Creator. Sometimes we are too busy with our worldly affairs, we tend to forget to prep our sould for the hereafter. I tend to drift too, so I pray to Allah that I do not get lost and go astray.

Ramadhan has left us, but lets not leave the good deeds and practice behind.

To KL then to Kampung

2011-08-28T00:24:00.002+08:00

Aaaah...another holiday vibes in the air. Me likey.

This year is hubby's turn to raya with his family, so it is a bit of convenience because we will be heading against the main traffic during the peak travelling time tomorrow. We are heading to Kuala Lumpur to celebrate the first day of raya.

But then hubby has to work on the 3rd raya (me not likey), so fortunately I still have the chance to join my family for raya in my kampung, Kota Bharu. Did I tell you that hubby is working in Kota Bharu? Yes he does, so I will be spending some time in my kampung while hubs goes to work. We will be heading to KB on the 2nd day of raya (and I hope that the traffic settles by then).

So there, a reason for me to be a bit more joyous for Eid this year.

How about you, where are you celebrating your Eid this year? Well anywhere you may be, I wish you a wonderful and memorable one this year. Salam Aidilfitri!

* back to packing mode......*

Let's not waste.

2011-08-17T01:33:00.003+08:00

The clock is now at 1.33 am and I am still (working ever so hardly) burning the midnight oil. My eyes are drooping lower and lower as I speak but sometimes having time all to myself is what I really need.

I managed to clean up my food pantry tonight, it all started with just a small gesture of opening the tall unit and next thing I know I am stashing things away.

It hits me hard that I have the tendency of buying food stocks and letting it slip past the expiry date. I guess its about time to admit that I do not have that much time to make sushi or to bake a chocolate cake. Well maybe someday I'll get to that, but definitely not now.

People in Somalia are dying of starvation, and it is ugly that I am having lots of expired foods to throw away. One bad habit discovered, now to work on the self improvement.

I hereby vow to be more prudent when buying groceries, insya Allah.

Sinful Cravings

2011-08-15T13:08:00.005+08:00

Double Cheeseburger via Serious Eats

Jamoca Almond Fudge
via LatestNews247

via SookaQunyah

Pillar of Strength

2011-08-11T12:58:00.003+08:00

There is this kind of feeling, some kind of an excitement, when i anticipate my husband's home coming every day off.

It feels like those days are going to be better, even when probably we will just end up lazying at home and playing with Bella. Or just catching up on household chores.

It feels like a release , from a burden that I had to carry alone during the days he was away. A burden of constantly worrying about the home, the baby and her well being. A burden of feeling guilty of having to leave our baby and missing out on her.

And when he finally reaches home, the tired and worn-out me instantly transforms. It is in the fact that knowing that he is there, really there, to share all my joys and my worries.

When he is home, I feel like there is a renewed strength inside of me, all over again.It's uplifting.

To my husband, you are my pillar of strength. I pray that I could hold on, and hold on some more until the day that we could be there for each other, all the time again.

Bella's Beach Trip

2011-08-04T13:58:00.005+08:00

It is hard for me to believe that Bella is now approaching 10 months. It seems like only yesterday she was that fragile little creature, snoozing most of her day off. Now she barely stays in my arms for more than 10 seconds, except when she is too tired or nursing. Most of the time she prefers to be free, and exploring every nook and cranny of her surroundings (she wish!).

Yesterday we went to Kuantan town for Iftar, and while waiting for the time we made a pit stop at Teluk Cempedak. Eventhough the beach is just a stone throw's away from home, its funny that after all this while this is the first time we took Bella to the beach. Of course any new thing is always welcomed, she was so excited to see the sea and feel the coarse sands on her little feet.

At this point of time, Bella is now weighing 7.6 kg. That is a bit on the lighter side I shall say, but then she seems active and happy most of the time so I think I should not worry too much. Alhamdulillah, she is still breastfeeding eventhough sometimes I have some trouble with the milk due to her weaning and all. But then I think we are alright.

Socially, she is a friendly girl. Eventhough she have some separation anxiety (that is normal for a baby this old), she still welcomes new people with a smile and even tries making some conversation. Her vocals mainly consists of ma,mas and ba,bas and occasionally some funny sounds that is hard for me to translate into written words.

And i can see that she is starting to show some appreciation for music too, clapping her hands eagerly or shaking her body whenever she hears a tune that tickles her fancy.

My dear Salsabila, you are growing too fast, wait for mummy will ya? :')

Ramadhan Kareem

2011-08-01T00:11:00.005+08:00

Time flies so fast and we are now back in the holy month of Ramadhan. I felt like it was only yesterday, me fasting with a full grown baby in my tummy and then celebrating Aidilfitri.

I am feeling a bit under the weather these past few days, particularly because I am down with conjunctivitis on both of my eyes. I figured that I may have contracted it from Bella, as she is just recovering from the same ailment. Poor baby, I hope what she has gone through was not as bad and painful as what I am facing now, because I feel my like my eyeballs are popping, literally (especially when I bend down). Its like a perpetual laziness and tired eyes too.

I got a 2-day MC from the doc, and to be on the positive side, at least I am able to celebrate the early days of Ramadhan on leave (yeay!). Let's just hope that it does not jump to Bella again as I do not have much option than keeping close contact with her *pray*

Anyway, under the weather I am, but nonetheless I am looking forward to this blessed month. I hope that I can improve and do better deeds this year, much more than last year. Insya Allah. Perhaps I should start losing weight (seriously) again too.

So here is a hearty Ramadhan Kareem to all my readers, may we all are able to harness all the blessings and beautiful spirit that it brings too!

Behold the notorious Musang King

2011-07-27T23:19:00.001+08:00

I finally had a chance to enjoy the king of fruits for this season. Thanks to a bunch of colleagues who share the same appreciation for this infamous fruit. We gathered at the parking lot yesterday afternoon and ate like nobody's business. Yum!

P/S: Forgive me, i really do not get it when some people say its the worst smell, for I think it smells like a piece of heaven. LOL

On a new vision.

2011-07-24T16:40:00.006+08:00

Have I told you that it is in fact quite challenging, juggling between work and a baby? I guess some people may say that I am in no position to complain, given that I only have one baby at this moment, other people is worst, blablabla, but then again...it IS hard.

I really from the bottom of my heart, admire, the mommies who survived so far. Some of my friends even have more than one kid now, and still manage to work and be a mom at the same time.

As for me, I have long decided that I am not a career woman material. The prospect of being high up the career ladder is no longer appealing to me especially since I became a mommy. It may sound like a cliche but that is how mommyhood overpowered me. Well to add to it, I also have never envisioned myself as an important someone anyway.

Instead, these days i find myself constantly "envisioning" what activities I am going to carry out with my children for the day, what meal to cook, how to decorate the nursery or my children's bedroom and maybe try baking again. I envision myself being busy sending and fetching my kids to and from school, or perhaps music classes. I dream of gathering my children for prayers and their father as the imam. I also see myself getting more in touch of my creative side again, perhaps doing more writing or just some simple scrapbooking or crafting.

Those are what I dream of lately. Sometimes I wonder whether it sounds too ambitious or too perfect. Or maybe sounding like I am trying to be a happier version of Bree Van de Kamp. Do I sound that way?

Well whatever it is, this one I know for sure : that ultimately, I am going to achieve at least one (or two, or three) of the things I dreamt above.

Wordless Anyday #2 : Fireworks

2011-07-23T10:41:00.003+08:00

Sh*t Happens

2011-07-22T14:37:00.006+08:00

via www.motifake.com

As disgusting as it may sound, it’s so true.

Being in the workforce for my 5th year now has given me a rude awakening; that office politics is inevitable, regardless of what organization you are in.

You may vow to be the most honest and loyal worker on earth, and you may have a very prudent manager backing you up. But somehow up the ladder, there will be one or more person who is willing to do anything to get what they want, even when it means that they need to step on you, the honest one, to achieve it. So get ready my friend, as competent or as honest you can be, there is no sure way that you can work your way to the top that easily.

Some go to the length of humiliating themselves by spitting and licking their spit back. They say they put families first, but then when the cash comes in they act another way around. It’s so obvious, it’s humiliating.

Some gets very lucky because even when they obviously could not get things done, they still manage to rise because they have good connections (and maybe personal ones, I don’t know). It’s about WHO you know nowadays, not WHAT YOU CAN DO.

Some just stabs you from behind. They say nice things to your face; they stab your back the moment you turn around.

Some just cry and beg and get so pathetic.

So why all these happens?

Because we are all humans. As wise and civilized human beings can be, we are all desperate and selfish creatures at the same time.

Gosh, I do not wish to judge people, but these days not judging is the most challenging thing to do. Damn it.

God give me the strength to survive this, give me the wisdom to make the correct decisions and give me the tolerance to accept that sh*t does happen.

“How people treat you is their choice; how you react is yours – Quoted”

Our Garden

2011-07-09T23:00:00.006+08:00

I should be very grateful that at this age hubby and I already managed to own a house. Eventhough it is someplace very unlikely, still it has became our sanctuary. We live in a small coastal village near Kemaman, Terengganu. It is still under the state of Pahang, and it is still Kuantan, but it is very near to the border.

You may ask why we chose to live here, basically it all goes back to our work constraints, but after a while we have already get used to this peaceful place. I gotta admit though, that the distance to a full fledged town is quite far, but so far I can still manage (its hard to ignore the city girl in me especially when it comes to shopping :P). I guess its fair that at least we have the beach and quite the privacy.

Alhamdulillah, finally we were able to get the garden done. Since we moved to this house, the garden was very unkempt. Shrubs and wild vegetations were growing all over the place, and I tell you they grow fast! Not to mention some surprising edible plants too, like spinach and a kind of ulam. Free veges there, but honestly we did not eat it because of some uncertainties. Heheh.

It is really good that we finally got it done, because since Bella is growing up and would soon find her legs, we want to make sure that she have a proper place to play outdoors.

We are more of a minimalistic people, so as you may have imagined, there is only a mango tree and some pebbles for an artistic touch. Maybe later we will consider having more plants, meanwhile we still have to make sure that the grass grows and greens up (they demand a lot of water!).

The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini.

2011-07-08T18:04:00.003+08:00

I am currently engrossed in this riveting book, The Kite Runner.

Khaled Hosseini’s writing has won me over since I finished his second book, A Thousand Splendid Suns. The Kite Runner was also produced as a movie in 2007.

Definitely highly recommended ;)

"In The Kite Runner, Amir and Hassan grow up together in Afghanistan like brothers, although they couldn't be more different. Amir is the son of a wealthy businessman, a Sunni Muslim, a Pashtun, and he's educated and reads voraciously. Hassan's father is a servant to Amir's father, and Hassan is a Sh'ia Muslim, a Hazara, he's illiterate, and he has a harelip. But neither boy has a mother and they spend their boyhoods roaming the streets of Kabul together. Amir, though, continually uses his superior position to taunt or abuse Hassan, and one day hides in fear as Hassan is beaten and raped mercilessly by bullies. The Soviet invasion of Aghanistan sends Amir's family to the United States, but he returns there as an adult during the Taliban rule to atone for his sins to Hassan. Khaled Hosseini is an Afghan émigré living in San Francisco and his debut novel has received mostly good reviews. The Denver Post says The Kite Runner "ranks among the best-written and provocative stories of the year so far." - via http://www.reviewsofbooks.com/

Breastfeeding : A Personal Perspective

2011-07-04T17:55:00.002+08:00

I noticed that I have promoted myself as a breastfeeding advocate but I am yet to make one dedicated entry about breastfeeding itself.

So...breastfeeding. The first thing that came into my mind, when I decided to have a baby. I am grateful that I am becoming a mommy in the information age, because nowadays breastfeeding awareness is well on the run. More and more mothers are going back to basics, or as they say it, doing the natural parenting. Information about natural parenting and breastfeeding is easily available anywhere, offline or online.

However, as natural as breastfeeding could be, it does come with its own set of challenges. Some mothers even thought that it is as simple as ABC, just open up and let the baby have her milk. But then my friend, like everything else, there is nothing wrong to PREPARE for the breastfeeding journey, as it may help set expectations and reduce frustrations.

Well before I continue, let me just say that I am talking based on my own experience. This entry is not some sort of professional opinion, however, I believe that experience is actually an effective way to learn, and I am willing to share what I have learned so far.

1) Gather as much information as possible
Start by understanding the importance of breastfeeding, and WHY is it the best choice for your baby’s nutrition. Understand the benefits that it brings to you, baby and your spouse. Understand what options you have when you decide to breastfeed, especially if you are a working mom. Believe me, if there is a will, there is always a way. I could go on and on about this, and there is a lot of information outside there, from why breastfeed to when to start weaning. Google it up and you will get a lot of sources like Baby Center and Susu Ibu.com.

2) Ask!
Do not be shy to ask. Ask your mom, ask his mom (a bonus if they were a breast feeder themselves). Ask a friend, or more friends. However funny your question could be, just ask. Its good, especially to eliminate myths like “Do I get flabby if I breastfeed?” or “Doesn’t the milk go bad if you keep it too long?” Join breastfeeding support groups, like the one I joined in Facebook below:

Kump. Ibu2 Menyusukan
The Breastfeeding Advocates Network
Susu Ibu.com

They may be strangers to you, but they all share the same goal, to breastfeed their babies and help each other.

3) Prepare physically
Our body starts to prepare itself for milk production during pregnancy. Hence, some women started leaking colostrum in their final months of pregnancy. As for me, I did not have any. A friend told me that it is OK to start massaging the breasts just to get it ready for production, but do not overdo it as it is also said that hormones released during breast stimulation could trigger contractions. The point is, find out what you can do to prepare yourself not only during the final stage of pregnancy, and also right after delivery. Find a good breast therapist, as she may be able to help you to massage and get the milk flow going by encouraging the milk ducts to open. This will be a good relieve and help reduces engorgement, especially a few days after delivery when the milk supply starts to build up. I was really grateful that the therapists that I hired for confinement was good at this, else I could have gone miserable with the engorgement pain.

4) Prepare financially
The milk does not cost you anything, but the expression of milk and storage does. So, prepare by surveying the breast pump brands they have to offer out there, making sure that it fits your budget and your breastfeeding plan. If you are a stay- at-home mom, chances is you may not need any. If you are working, consider your time flexibility and storage options. From there you will be able to work out what grade of breast pump you need (the higher the grade, the more efficient) and also how much storage solution you need to have.

5) Be solid of your choices
Once you make up your mind, convey it to your spouse and your potential caregiver (like your mom or his mom), as well as to your doctor and the delivery team. To your family, let them know that you need their support. To the hospital team, let them know that you want to breastfeed your baby and ask them to help you with it.

6) Choose wisely
If possible, choose the right hospital to give birth in. All of our Government Hospitals are Rakan Bayi (Pro-Breastfeeding), so you do not have to worry. I heard that they really go the extra mile to make sure you breastfeed your baby. If you are opting for a private hospital, make sure that they are Pro-Breastfeeding. It is sad to say that not all OB/GYN are breastfeeding advocates, and not all hospitals provide a Lactation Consultant. My hospital was not the right one for me as it was not Rakan Bayi, so choose the right one for you.

7) Sign up for a breastfeeding class
I missed out this one too. I just relied on my readings and verbal information, so if you have the chance, sign up for a breastfeeding class (together with your spouse if he is willing to). Natural parenting centers like Sara Kids (TTDI) and government hospitals do offer this kind of classes.

8) Prepare mentally – Prepare for the worst case,do not get obsessed, and try to stay positive
When you are done with all other preparations, the most important thing, I shall say is your mental readiness. It all goes back to your determination, and your perseverance. Always try to stay positive, and try not to get too obsessed with it. The reason I am saying this is that some mothers tend to get too carried away, up to the point that they missed out that the real goal is to nourish the baby. In confinement especially, it is important to keep your emotions in check, so do not get too frustrated if you have some difficulties with breastfeeding. Take a breather; take it one step at a time. If the worst case happens (low milk supply, mastitis, or inverted nipples, etc), just bare in mind that the baby still needs to be nourished.Prepare yourself that formula may have to be given, just as a supplement, while waiting for you to get back on track. You can always try again. Nothing is perfect, not everybody is lucky, but we all have a second chance. After all, formula milk is not poison, it’s just a second best.

9) Work with your baby
I love to say that breastfeeding is a team effort, and the star player is you and your baby. Babies do have their own way of telling us their needs. Listen and take cues from your baby, and you both will be happy. I love to quote @NurturedChild from my Twitter favourites list:

“Breastfeeding is not black and white, and there are no hard and fast rules. If it’s working for you and your baby, then it’s good :)"

Wordless Anyday #1 : Frolic

2011-06-19T00:08:00.001+08:00

On making distance work, again.

2011-06-16T00:15:00.001+08:00

Distance, it seems, has always been present in my life so far.

I started to date my husband when I was in my 1st year in Uni. Too bad, things did not go very well for him, as he had to drop out of school and in turn, continued his studies in another college doing a field of his passion. So that was when it all started. We were both was thrown into a long distance relationship.

At first I gotta admit I was skeptical, but anyway we kept on trying. Alhamdulillah, despite some ups and downs, we both made it until the end. It was not really a smooth sailing journey, I shall say, but with some effort I think distance should not always be the number one factor of giving up your love life. What matters most must be the trust, and honesty, as well as effort. Effort to keep in touch, effort to show that the love and care is still there, and effort of improving oneself in order to make the relationship work.

Having a long distance courtship made me vowed to myself that I am not going to have a long distance marriage. I have always tried to avoid this circumstance, but as usual, life never perfectly turns out the way I want it to be. Recently hubby had to move on to a new job, which is not located near the home, and now, he already became an off-days husband. It is something that I need to adjust and accept, because the decision was made with a reason. A really strong one. So now, we both have to make distance work, again. After all, we made it work before, and now we should be more than ready.

My piece of advice is, of course eventhough you and your man is already used to distance, nevertheless, do not make it as something that you can settle with. I think that it should always be temporary. That eventually, you both can live together in one place as a family.

As for me, this is not going to last long. We have plans for the future. Maybe stop working. Or maybe find a work near his. Either way, someday I will make sure that I will be able to hug my husband and he will be able to kiss our children goodnight, every night again.

Inspired by pastas.

2011-05-31T21:58:00.005+08:00

I have always been inspired by pastas. They are so practical and you can pretty much create any type of fusion dish with it. Just be creative with the ingredients that you have in hand.

Tonight I made Aglio Olio spaghetti, but of course with some improvisation with whatever I have in the kitchen. I had some Thai Prawn-Chilli flakes and some basil growing in the pot, so I guess this dish has turned into an Aglio Olio ala Thai.

Just so you know, Aglio Olio means Garlic Oil, hence the most important ingredient in this dish must be the garlic and extra virgin olive oil.

Lovely dinner, happy tummy. Praises to God.

No more shopping for you, Ayuni!

2011-05-29T11:45:00.002+08:00

These days it seems that my longing for (window) shopping has not yet reside. I really need to control myself. I always feel like going to the mall. Its not like I have anything to buy in my mind, I just think that for now it may have become a good stress therapy.

I have vowed not to go out to the mall this weekend, and so far I am winning. I felt the urge just now, and just to "test the water", I tried giving some hints to hubs.

Which, in turn, shut the longing off......

Me : Bi, why do I always feel like going out? Like to the mall, or just go out somewhere? ...isk... *so-called innocent*

Hubby : That's normal. Everybody feels the same way.

Me : *lighting up!* Oh really?? But I feel like its not.... (faking the worry)

Hubby : Oh well, its normal as long as you don't go.

Me : uhuhhh (-____-) * so that means noooo*

Looks like I have to hang in there for a while. No going out for me (at least not for now!)

I really love to write.

2011-05-24T15:44:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wish that I am one of those big shot editors, working in an established magazine or publishing company and having my own room to decorate.

Oh well maybe it may seem like I am totally influenced by movies like The Devil Wears Prada, 13 Going on 30 or Lipstick Jungle (because at one point in my life I also wished I was a rockstar, so you know how dreamy I can get. LOL).

But seriously…

In hindsight of my childhood and school days, I realize that really was into writing and languages. I just don’t know why the hell I did not realize that at the right time, not until now.

You see, there were a lot of things that proves to me that language or writing is perhaps the suitable field for me. Or to broaden the topic, let me say that I am more of a right brain person.

Since I was a child I adapt really fast with languages and words. I learned to read at the age of 2 years old. When I was 5 or 6 years old, I was even invited as a guest in TV3 show, Sekapur Sirih, because I can read in English very smoothly. They asked me to read an English newspaper on air, in front of a really big camera with a black hole that scared the hell out of me. I was constantly looking away from it; I remember they keep on reminding me to look back into the hole because apparently it was the lens.

I have the biggest collection of books, compared to my siblings. I remember my aunty came and give me a stack of books when I was little, and I was in love with books eversince. I am the one who always had a book to read all of the time, even until now. Except that these days I had to spend a lot of time to finish one book, because I have to allocate more time for more important things.

I process visuals and letters better then I process numbers. To be honest I am really spooked by big numbers. And when I come across numbers in my reading, I tend to skip the part subconsciously. I feel comfortable that way. Do not ask me to memorize a car plate number; I will end up just giving you the letters. I always dial the wrong phone number whenever I tried to dial out of my memory.

I grasp dialects very fast. Many people are amazed that I can switch from talking in normal Malay dialect, to Kelantanese dialect and to Kedah dialect the next minute. Some of them got confused as to where I came from. I can memorize some French words just by doing shopping (this was back when my parents were living in Switzerland, I used to read the labels whenever they bought groceries from the local supermarket). So I guess I can do grocery shopping in France. LOL.

In high school, I aced all my core subjects (History,English,Bahasa, etc) in my SPM. I got 1A without much struggle, unlike the elective subjects like Add Maths, Physics or Chemistry. I ended up getting 2A for those, with a LOT of struggle. My favourite subject was English (obviously), and at one time my teacher was so impressed with my essay he read the whole piece to the class. I also loved Bahasa Melayu essay. I joined the English debate team for a short period time, I loved the talking and preparation of the contents, but I disliked the time constraint so I had to quit.

I wished I was invited to be one of the school magazine committee but perhaps because I was quite a brat (I had a fair share of mischieves when I was in lower secondary), they blacklisted me and consider me not suitable. I was secretly disappointed but I contributed a piece of my work to the magazine albeit my disappointment. They published me. As a pastime I loved to draw characters from Majalah Ujang – Blues untuk Aku. I also wrote some poems to go with it. Talk about going blues. Give me a paper and a pencil, and you will not get back an empty piece because I love to doodle.

Well, of course I do not have the best English grammar and structure when writing, nor do I have an immaculate skill at drawing or arts. But it’s the enthusiasm that I am happy to possess. I am glad that at least I have this blog to channel this creative energy, and perhaps now is the time to delve into the prospect of making this something I do everyday. Who knows, I can do something I really like, eventually.

Bella's water debut.

2011-05-15T00:26:00.007+08:00

Bella is already 7 months, and today, she made her debut in the pool.

To be honest this mummy has been waiting like forever to take her baby into the pool, well just to get her comfortable with water as early as possible, and maybe learn to swim a little faster :)

As usual Bella always has a thing with water, she is just a natural around it. I think maybe its in the genes. Haha.

Besides the water debut, Bella is now able to stand up with some support and start cruising furnitures already. But she is not able to sit up on her own, because most of the time she is interested on standing up or crawling only. I end up have to put her to sit especially during mealtimes. Hope she will learn to sit up on her own soon.

In terms of speech, she is already making a lot of vowel sounds, like ba-ba-ba or dah-dah-dah. That's a good progress. I guess the mommy word has to wait for now. And she screams a lot too!

Bella is most of the time a good mannered baby, but of course as she grow older she is now capable of showing emotions when she is unhappy and needs a rest. I am still learning to handle her crankiness, usually she will settle down when she gets her milk or a little cuddle. Sometimes I get some drooly and slimy wet kiss from her too :)

So that's about it, Bella in her 7th month, reporting live from Chendor,Kuantan. Haha.

Photo Keepsakes

2011-05-08T12:33:00.001+08:00

yunayuni's photostream on Flickr.

Because a picture is worth a thousand words.

On making a life changing decision.

2011-05-07T22:23:00.003+08:00

There has been a lot of things going on in my mind these days, but as of this moment I am glad that I have cleared things off.

Remember in my previous post, I was saying that I will be getting a new job this year? Well, I was job hunting since last January, and my target was to move on to a new field, something that is not related to what I am doing right now.

Apparently, it was not that easy.

I have submitted countless resumes to various jobs that I am interested in, but to no avail. Can't blame them though, I do not have any strong background in that particular field, so maybe most of the time I was not even considered in the first place.

Part of the reason I was looking for a new job is because I think that I want to move back to KL, since my hubby will be starting his new job in Kota Bharu, on a 7-days-work, 7-days-off basis soon. I felt like I am better off living in KL near my parents and in-laws, it will be especially practical during hubby's absence.

My mom advised me to apply for an IT job in KL, since changing to a new field is too hard. At least I get a chance to move to KL first, then maybe I can move on from there. So, i applied for one of the big-4 auditing company in Bandar Utama.

I got lucky. They called me not long after I submitted my resume, probably because I have a very strong resume and I did my internship with the company back in 2005. I was called for an 2 interviews so far. Now I am just waiting for the verdict, whether they are offering me the job or not.

But...this is where the dilemma came in. In choosing a new job, I had to consider two things : My family time, and my financial status.

I did some background homework on the big-4 company which I have applied, and most of the feedbacks are not so interesting. There is a high probability that I have to travel a lot, and the work load may be higher and more demanding. Compared to staying in my current company, it is wayyyy different.

At first things are so blurry, I felt like I really HAVE to move to KL. By hook or by crook. But after a while of deep thoughts and lots of prayers, Alhamdulillah I am now able to make a decision.

So, what is it? I think I am going to stay. At least just for now. Why? Because I know what i really want now. I actually do not want to compromise my time with my family and my child especially. To achieve this, I am willing to compromise my job. That's it. Plus, financial-wise it is better to stay (the company's pay and benefits are not bad actually), and I will not be burdened with a new debt to pay my PETRONAS bond for breaching the contract (I still have 5 more years to serve my bond).

Now I feel more relieved.

It took a while for me to realize that when we know what we really want, making a decision is way much easier. Sometimes due to current circumstances we may have a vague perspective of what we want in life, but in making a big decision it is always better to spend as much time as possible to think it through.

My new toy!

2011-04-24T20:04:00.006+08:00

I finally possess a DSLR quality camera, thanks to hubby for making it my late birthday gift :) At first I was eyeing Panasonic Lumix GF1/GF2, but when hubby proposed of Sony Nex I just could not let the pink colour go. Thehehe....

Plus I think Lumix is a bit more "serious" and techy, whilst Sony Nex is a bit more user friendly, which is very suitable for a lazy person like me. I was looking for a compact but DSLR-like functionality, so the best type to go is this particular "in-the-middle" specs.

Woke up early Sunday morning and the first thing I did was snapping Bella's photos.

I could not imagine getting anything better than this!

Thanks hubby, I love you! (I hope you are reading this :P)

On turning 27.

2011-04-15T22:54:00.000+08:00

I should have posted this a few days ago, but I am still posting anyway. Here is to fabulous 27 years and many more to come, insya Allah.

27 lessons that I learned from 27 years of existence...

One, that love always perseveres.

Two, that God's power is in every bit of life. In breathing, in the very air that we inhale everyday.

Three, that nothing beats a mother's unconditional love.

Four, that as humans it is only natural to make mistakes. That is why we are given brains, to learn from it.

Five, that forgiveness may be hard but it should come eventually.

Six, that being lonely sucks big time.

Seven, that it is never too late to do something I have wanted to do all this while.

Eight, that when I count my blessings life turns out to be a-OK after all.

Nine, that a child could be one of my best teachers.

Ten, that patience is a virtue.

Eleven, that time is precious but never seems to be enough. Learn to use it wisely.

Twelve, that knowledge is in every nook and cranny. I discover new things everyday and I am loving it.

Thirteen, that being judgemental does more harm than good.

Fourteen, that ignorance is bliss but very deceiving.

Fifteen, that being married is one of the best decision I have ever made.

Sixteen, that God works in a very mysterious way.

Seventeen, that it is healthy to accept criticism but not let it pull me down.

Eighteen, that once in a while crying is a very effective stress therapy.

Nineteen, that cooking is a great therapy too.

Twenty, that food is a blessing and a medium to strengthen friends and family ties.

Twenty one, that music is the best way to express myself.

Twenty two, that holding a grudge is exhausting.

Twenty three, that being silent sometimes is better.

Twenty four, that growing up is a continuous improvement process.

Twenty five, that I have to accept that sometimes things does not turn out the way I plan it to be.

Twenty six, that reading a good book till the end is liberating.

Twenty seven, that there will be more lessons to learn as I grow henceforth.

Right.On.My.Nose!

2011-03-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

Gawhddddd, I cannot help reblogging this via my Tumblr, and here! I have had this kind of conversation with my husband a zillion times and only now I understand why he always lets me make the decision of what/where to eat. Tell me, you do this too, don't you? LOL

On being fashionably modest.

2011-03-27T23:40:00.001+08:00

I am not much of a modelesque figure, nor a flawless beauty.

But one thing for sure is that i love fashion. Not many of my friends/family knows this, perhaps i have been doing a great job keeping it to myself. I have been keeping up with the trends all this while, but of course i have not really wear it all. I know that jumpsuits are now making a comeback, and leggings is now topping jeans. And speaking about jeans, you gotta wear it skinny these days. Or maybe just don a jeggings but make sure the bombom part is covered.

Let me just say that i am the kind who believes in a personal style. As for my own, i'd say that i am more of a practical person. My tagline for fashion would be in-trend, but keeping the practicality factor on. Here i mean practicality in terms of the weather, activity and most importantly modesty.

I noticed that there is this kind of boom in the hijab fashion in Malaysia these days. Many hijabis are now bold enough to play with fashion and try to stay in trend while keeping their modesty. Layering is the key. But unfortunately in this part of the world layering is not always the best option. As a practical person i find layering sometimes difficult, because i just cannot stand the heat (and another thing is that it will take me ages to get to breastfeed my baby if she is with me). So the key is to layer it smart. There are also many independent hijabi fashion bloggers out there too, which i admit is full of inspiration and stylish. I even follow many of them. But as a follower of a trend, a piece of advice to share if i may, is to be smart to choose your style. Sometimes when we are busy trying to keep up we tend to forgot the smaller things, like avoiding tight/silhouetting outfits, or covering the neck/arms, and the most ideal, covering the chest. I came across an article about Hana Tajima recently, in which the title somehow meant like eventhough she puts on a hijab, she is still sexy. Now wait a minute, I do not think that this is proper. Hijab is not supposed to make you sexier, isn't it? That does not serve the purpose at all.Well i do not know what exactly the writer meant, but as a reader of course that was what came into my mind the first time i read it. Poor Hana, perhaps she was misunderstood. This is exactly what we should avoid. Misunderstanding and fitnah.

Oh no no, I am not perfect. I admit that i myself lack in this "small" department too, but i think that it is good to make an effort to tackle it, one cloth at a time. My hijab style is still not the most ideal, but i want to at least try to wear it the right way. I try to remember this everytime I go shopping for my wardrobe. And thankfully nowadays it is not so hard to find something that you can creatively turn into a modest style anymore. It is all about creativity and of course having fun doing it.

So how about you? Do you have a fashion resolution?

Fashion fades, style is eternal. - Yves Saint Laurent

Not long until solids.

2011-03-20T19:12:00.005+08:00

I think someday Bella is going to turn into a foodie like me. Ok ok too early to tell.

Maybe it was just her curiousness, which made her tried to grab the green tea cup from me. The funny thing is that she was actually trying to put it into her mouth.

But then again she always has this kind of interest whenever she watches me or her dad eat. At one point she even stopped playing with her toys and paid full attention to our munching mouth. It made me feel so sorry for her that i could not share my food (yet). Don't worry dear, someday you will get to enjoy all the glorious flavours the world has to offer. For the meantime I hope my breastmilk is sufficient to satiate your budding tastebuds :)

"Hmm..I wonder how my toes taste like, with this colourful thingy on"

Bella in her 5th month.

2011-03-13T21:51:00.004+08:00

It is hard trying not to blog about my baby lately, so i hope you could bear with me.I feel like it is important for me to document her progress, as much as i can. She is growing so fast, one day she is only able to lift her head, the next she is already moving about on her tummy.

It is exciting being a new mommy, every second with my baby is a lesson and occassionally i am rewarded with a pleasant surprise. Like the first time she grasps my finger tightly while nursing, or when she stares at me thoughtfully and when i noticed, she smiled sweetly.

Although i got to admit that there are some nerve wrecking episodes too, but trust me, there is this kind of mechanism that makes you forget the feeling and pour more love to your child.

Bella has now turned into quite an active baby, seizing every possible opportunity to explore the world around her. She has not crawled yet, but she is definitely more mobile now since she already figured out how to move about using her tummy and her legs. Let's just say that I have started to "sweat" more now, as I am required to be more cautious of her movements.It is time to give a little more thought on childproofing the home too.

Sunday Cooks: Baked Macaroni

2011-03-07T22:01:00.002+08:00

I had a craving of Italian dishes, so I baked some macaronis for dinner :) Simple and delicious!

Ingredients:

200g Macaroni Pasta
50g Minced beef/chicken
Half of a Bombay onion (chopped)
Garlic – about 3-4 cloves (chopped)
Mixed Herbs
A cup of fresh milk
Olive oil
Butter
Eggs (approximately 4 eggs for 200g of macaronis)
Mozarella/Parmesan/Cheddar Cheese
1 tomato (chopped)
½ Chicken stock granules
Salt
Pepper

Instructions:

1) Cook the macaronis until al dente. Put aside.
2) In a wok or frying pan, heat some olive oil and some butter.
3) Sauté the onions and garlic until the aroma rises.
4) Add in the minced beef/chicken.
5) When the meat is cooked, toss some mixed herbs and the chicken stock granules
6) Pour some milk and toss in the tomatoes. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.
7) Put in the macaronis and stir.
8) In a casserole dish, smear some butter and put in the fried macaroni. If you wish, toss in some parmesan and blend it in. This is a good time to preheat your oven.
9) Whisk the eggs and pour eggs into the dish.
10) Grate the mozzarella cheese and sprinkle on top.
11) Bake for around 20 minutes in a 175 degree celcius, preheated oven.
12) Serve with some chilli sauce to satisfy your Asian taste buds ;P

Happy trying!

Recipe inspired from here

Unwinding

2011-03-05T21:47:00.004+08:00

I had quite an intense work week so i felt like pampering myself. With food, and some body indulgence of course.

Bella's nursery is open on Saturdays, so once in a while i take the opportunity to unwind and recharge myself (eventhough i had to drive like 45 minutes from my home). I only have half a day though, so usually i had to be an early bird.

Cafe Mocha and Kapitan Chicken pie for brekky, and a nice De-Stressing Hot Stone Massage at my usual beauty center in East Coast Mall. Today i had the guts to don a batwing top, finally. Its all about confidence LOL

My colleague Afini asked me to accompany her for lunch in East Grill Steakhouse, Jalan Beserah. I had 2 pieces of raw oysters (yum!) and Teriyaki Salmon for lunch. I'd recommend this place if you are looking for a good western dining in Kuantan.

Picked up my baby at 2pm and i am back to mommy business :)

Unfortunate Event

2011-02-26T14:32:00.010+08:00

It was 8pm at night when i finally reached home last Wednesday. Picked up Bella at the nursery and then headed straight home. Yes i was late, because unfortunate event no.1 happened ; there was a problem with a system i was supporting at office so i had to stayback for the vendor.

It has been a while since i came home late and the sky is already dark. No lights were switched on at the house, so i decided to leave the engine and the car lights on, and Bella in the air-conditioned car. As usual i went for the door, unlocking it and immediately turned on the porch and living room lights.

I noticed the trinket box on our shoe rack is open. I did not recall doing so but i just let it go."Maybe it was hubby", i thought. I called hubby and asked, of course it was not him.

I was feeling uneasy, so cautiously i made my way to the bedroom. I noticed the lights were on, and when i peeked in, my handbag contents were scattered on the bed. That was the point when i realized that something bad has happened. Somebody has broken into the house. I immediately left the house, picked up Bella who was already crying (as if she sensed something has gone wrong) and made our way to the neighbours.

I thank God that while i was in the house, the thief was gone.God knows what could have happened if i caught him redhanded. My thoughts was only on Bella at that point of time, of how was i supposed to save my child if i was caught in danger.

I left Bella with my neighbour and went back to the house. It was confirmed that somebody broke in. The culprit managed to break the 2nd bedroom window lock, and cut the grill open. I think he was a small sized person, seriously the hole barely fits a teenage kid.

All in all the total damage was hubby's wedding band :( , my baby's Avent diaper bag (i loved this bag so much huhu), hubby's DSLR lens (a few of them) and maybe some small cash on the dressing table. He was in hurry probably, because he did not noticed hubby's laptop in the cupboard and his DSLR under the pillow (thank God again).

Hubby went to Cherating Police Hut when he got back, but sadly there was no Inspector based there, who can do a whole crime scene investigation. The ones stationed there dropped by and just inspected the house, reminding us not to touch anything until the inspector comes. However he did not, not even the next day, we had no choice but to fix the grill and window again as we had to leave for Kota Bharu on Friday. The culprit even left his Raybans, and some tools he used for the break-in.

It may have been a drug addict or someone from the nearby village. He even dared to break in during the day. How so conducive the area behind our house is. Sigh.

As unfortunate as it may be, i really could not stop being thankful that he did not break in when i was at home with my baby. I am a bit traumatized by this event, more of shocked than angry. I felt insecure being in my own home. We should be more more cautious and vigilant next time, and never take safety for granted anymore.

The broken grill.

The tools. Darn it, the room became so messy.

Freakin' Hilarious!

2011-02-17T22:15:00.004+08:00

Hubby and I were literally in tears laughing to this!

Click here for more ridiculous autocorrects! ;P

Sweet Escape

2011-02-13T17:28:00.006+08:00

I have not baked in a while and there are some pears in the kitchen, so i thought i'd bake a Chocolate Pear Pudding.

I do not have a scale (yet) and its my first time, not bad huh? As far as the taste goes, i'd give it a 7 out of 10. A little bit less sweet, because i did not measure the sugar accordingly.

Apart from the pudding, i had some sweet doses of my daughter too ;) She made her first big giggle last Friday night (11 Feb 2011) and i have been trying to get it out of her again now. Heheh.

Tomorrow is Monday, i certainly hope its not going to be another blues for all of us!

p/s: Leave a comment if you wish to have the recipe, i am too lazy to type it here :P

[Photo 30] : Someone i miss

2011-02-13T13:38:00.000+08:00

I miss most of my old friends, because we have not met for quite some time. Many of us are now too busy with our own lives and not able to hang out and catch up like before. I wish I am closer to them so I can keep the bond alive and strong, but I gotta admit that it’s getting harder to do it because of the distance and my own schedule.

I hope I do not turn out to be another woman who lost her social life once she got married and have children. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that a woman should abandon her responsibility to her family; I am just saying that a woman should know how to keep the balance.

It’s refreshing to be able to talk to a friend, have coffee and some laughs, while reliving and sharing each others experience and life stories. I wish we will all finally find some time to catch up with each other again.

p/s: On another note, I think its wonderful that through blogging I can make more friends. I have made some great acquaintances and I hope the list will go on :)

[Photo 29] A photo that makes me smile

2011-02-12T15:28:00.002+08:00

Just a random photo that amuses me. This is my lil sister's dwarf hamsters. There are two of them, Sugar and Spice, but i am not sure who is this.

They have a very different personalities these two hammys, but they are definitely entertaining!

[Photo 28: Something that i am afraid of

2011-02-11T12:22:00.002+08:00

Gosh i am so afraid of googling the photo, I decided just to write the name! *shiver*

Yeah I had a very bad experience with this creature; i can turn out to be a crybaby when I had a close encounter with them. LOL

Speaking of phobia, what is yours?

[Photo 27] A picture of myself and a family member

2011-02-10T13:57:00.004+08:00

This is a photo of my little brother, Alefee (second child of the family) and I in 1988, (well not so little brother coz we are just a year apart). We were on our way home from The Philippines; I think this was in the hotel that we checked in.

We both are making our own path now. He is currently working in the semi-government sector, he is still single, but he has a girlfriend already (maybe they will tie the knot soon). Pi, if you are reading this, please understand the hint :P

If you refer to my previous post here, he is the tallest one in the picture.

I miss our childhood days. That was when we were the closest and we only knew how to have fun :)

[Photo 26] A photo that means a lot to me

2011-02-09T15:14:00.000+08:00

This picture means a lot to me, because it reminds me of spending more quality time with my family. I try my best not to sacrifice my family time, and this is what I am going to nurture in my family and my children.

I am also the kind or person who holds on to small things and sweet gestures. For me, having dinner together as a family, a kiss goodnight, a hug, a text in the middle of the day, it all matters.

Small things they may be, but I believe when we lose grip on them, that is when we lose it all.

[Photo 25] My favourite day.

2011-02-09T14:11:00.003+08:00

Weekend afternoons at the beach near our home.

The thing about living in the coastal area of Malaysia, is that access to the beach is easy. Before the baby arrived my husband and I used to go the beach on our weekend afternoons, for a stroll or just to relax.

I can't wait to take my baby to the beach once she is ready. A picnic will be perfect :)

Photo 24: something i wish i could change

2011-02-08T15:46:00.001+08:00

As of this moment i wish i could change my baby's state of health. Her nose has been runny for more than a few weeks now, and yesterday i discovered that she have bumps like chickenpox on her body. But she does not have any fever yet.

I am at the paed now, hope its not as bad as it looks.

[Photo 23] My favorite book(s)

2011-02-06T11:29:00.002+08:00

Oh this one is hard. I dont have one fav book,i have a lot! I hope its ok that i post all of it one photo hehe.

These are my fav books so far. I love thrillers and life stories, but not romance or chick flicks yet. Maybe i should try one, any recommendations?

P/S : I'd recommend 1000 Splendid Suns by Khalid Hosseini. Its a story of a survival of an Afghan women, during the war and the reign of the Talibans. Its a beautiful piece, take my word :)

Weekend with the baby

2011-02-05T16:09:00.005+08:00

It is a long, 4-days weekend for us, since its the Chinese New Year holidays. My baby and I are both stuck at home, because our man of the house needs to work (bummer).

Bella got a present from my colleague, but its a bit too big for her now. I tried it on her anyway, and she is more than happy to pose for the camera.

p/s : The Iphone photos does not look so good when i transferred it to my laptop, so I am contemplating of getting a compact camera instead *hihihi*

[Photo 22] Something i wish i am better at

2011-02-05T14:55:00.004+08:00

{source}

I wish i am better at playing the guitar. I love singing and playing to a tune, but due to my limited skills i can only strum simple chords and sing a simple song. Its another good way to release some stress, i would say. Its fun :)

[Photo 21] Something i wish i could forget

2011-02-04T16:47:00.004+08:00

{source}

My old mistakes.

As a human being, we all have our own share of mistakes.

I have learnt a lot from making mistakes, each of it taught me a very important lesson.

As much as i have learn from it, i wish that i could erase it from my mind. Or at least, keep it locked in a far away place so that i do not have to recall it again.

[Photo 20] Somwhere i would like to travel to

2011-02-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

{source}

Like i said, i'd love to travel the world. But one particular place i would looove to go,which has been in the list for a very loooong time, is Alaska.

There is something about this state that intrigues me, its like a mysterious land and the landscape looks so surreal.

I wish i will reach Alaska someday. Oh, how i always wish.

[Photo 20 : A photo and a letter

2011-02-02T14:55:00.003+08:00

In light of the recent uprising in Egypt, I have decided to post this photo and an open letter to express my opinion on the upheaval.

I found this photo at Reuters online.

It touches my heart, that amidst the chaos, a baby can still put a smile on the face of protesters and the army. Yet I wonder what in the world is the poor baby doing in the middle of a very grim commotion.

This made me realize that the Egyptians are in a very desperate state. Their citizens from all walks of life, men and women, have come to a point where they feel that they should end the dictatorial reign of Hosni Mubarak. 30 years has been enough, and inspired by the recent Tunisian upheaval, the people finally found their strength to fight back.

Human, is a very powerful creature. Especially, when put in a dire situation. In this context, the people are fighting for the survival of their democracy. The human instinct of survival cannot be undermined, for when a human is placed in such situation, certain unfavorable traits will surface. Aggressiveness is for sure.

In great numbers, the impact is even more colossal. The people may have a valid reason for such act, and the crooked leader deserves this rage. But it is sad to see, that this kind of action has its collateral damages. The country is cliffhanging. Their economy has stalled, medical services and food rations are interrupted and communication has been cut off. Not to mention their convicts are now roaming freely on the streets, creating a perfect hostile environment. Foreigners are now fleeing the country, and even the airport is not a safe place anymore.

As of this time it seems like the demands of the Egyptian people are met bit by bit, but there is no sign that Mubarak will step down per se. I have a feeling that there will be no rest in the near future as the most favorable action expected from the dictator is that he steps down, get on a plane and disappear.

I pray for the well being of the people and the recovery of the country. It is heartbreaking that things had to be this way but for the rest of the remaining corrupt leaders I hope that they get a rude awakening that they should never underestimate the power of their people.

Democracy, is something that should be exercised, in all aspects of governing a country, not just a mere concept to make good face, while in the shadows there are unjust things happening, discreetly injuring the rights of the people.

People should not be afraid of their government, a government, should be afraid of their people – V for Vendetta

[Photo 18] My biggest insecurity

2011-02-01T15:37:00.000+08:00

{source}

I gotta admit that I have been struggling with my body image, since I gained weight during my uni years. In high school I may have maintained my weight because I was active in sports, but since I stopped I think my metabolic rate has plummeted. I am still working hard to embrace my body image; I hope I will finally be able to cross this off as my biggest insecurity someday.

[Photo 17] A huge impact on my life recently

2011-01-31T15:43:00.003+08:00

Salsabila, a fountain in heaven.

I gave birth to this beautiful girl last October and my life has revolved around her eversince :) She is now approaching 4 months old.

[Photo 16] Someone who inspires me

2011-01-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

Well,for now, this boy has inspired me with his song, Waiting Outside the Lines. Its about taking positive actions in your life, instead of sitting around and just complaining.

{source}

Greyson Chance – Waiting Outside The Lines

You’ll never enjoy your life,
living inside the box
You’re so afraid of taking chances,
how you gonna reach the top?

Rules and regulations,
force you to play it safe
Get rid of all the hesitation,
it’s time for you to seize the day

Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow
You gotta let your feet off the ground,
the hotnewsonglyrics.com time is now

I’m waiting, waiting, just waiting,
I’m waiting, waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines

Try to have no regrets
even if it’s just tonight
How you gonna walk ahead
if you keep living behind

Stuck in my same position,
you deserve so much more
There’s a whole world around us,
just waiting to be explored

Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow
You gotta let your feet off the ground,
the time is now, just let it go

The world will force you to smile
I’m here to help you notice the rainbow
Cause I know,
What’s in you is out there

I’m waiting, waiting, just waiting,
I’m waiting, waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines

I’m trying to be patient (I’m trying to be patient)
the first step is the hardest (the hardest)
I know you can make it,
go ahead and take it

I’m Waiting, waiting, just waiting I’m waiting
I’m waiting, waiting, just waiting
I’m waiting, waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines

You’ll never enjoy your life
Living inside the box
You’re so afraid of taking chances,
How you gonna reach the top?

[Photo 15] Something i wanna do before i die.

2011-01-29T00:00:00.002+08:00

{source}

Bungee jumping!
I am not an adrenaline junkie, but i think i should try this at least once. It looks fun. Hehe.Not sure if they have it in Malaysia though.

[Photo 14] Someone who i could never imagine my life without

2011-01-28T13:58:00.003+08:00

My family.

I am breathing this air because of my parents love, learn to share it with my siblings, and able to love back when i started my own.

Without my family, life is not like this, content and happy.

Alhamdulillah.

[Photo 13] One of my favourite artists.

2011-01-27T15:03:00.003+08:00

{source}

Dato' Siti Nurhaliza

Her personal life aside, I adore Dato' Siti because she really is a pure talent. I have not been to any of her concert yet (I missed the one in Istana Budaya too!), hope there is going to be more soon.

Sometimes the good things are right in front of our eyes…

2011-01-26T15:16:00.005+08:00

…but sometimes we have to make some effort to find it.

Working in the customer service line like me requires a lot of patience. There is no such thing as what you give, you get back. Usually, it works the other way around.

Being some kind of the first line of defense for the department, we became a punching bag for most of our users. From the littlest thing to the biggest, they get frustrated and pissed off easily. But users are customers, so in the end of the day, we are the ones who are supposed to manage our feelings, and one of it is not to take it personally.

There are occasional difficult users, who really do not know how to properly ask for help. There are also those who are not cooperative, and some are even selfish and expect us to bow to them like their servants.

Being young and hot-blooded (this is what the old Malay folks says, that young people have hot blood, hence the hot temperament), I am still learning to manage my feelings every time I had to deal with these kind of people.

And, if I feel like getting motivated again, I like to browse and re-read the closed tickets which have been accepted by the users. To my surprise, there are actually nice remarks made, which, on a bad day, can lit me up again. Its kind of hidden, these remarks, I had to open the tickets and scroll down to a tiny line at the bottom like these :

So yes, whatever it is in life, i think it’s worth making an effort, just to feel a little bit better again.

[Photo 12] My favourite memory

2011-01-26T15:10:00.003+08:00

I have a bundle of favorite memories. This particular photo depicts how much I loved being part of my uni band/orchestra. That was the closest I could get to being a musician. I played by ear, since I was 13 years old. I learned how to read notes when I joined this band, but I did not get any chance to continue to a higher level. At one point in my life though, I wanted to be a rockstar :)

p/s: Oh, by the way, I played the alto-saxophone, not the electric guitar (which I wish I am better at, and I am going to talk about it on Day 22)

[Photo 11] Something I hate

2011-01-25T15:02:00.000+08:00

{source}

Ignorance may be bliss. But ignorance may also be the root of immorality. It is a broad perspective, but I think that ignorance simply does more harm than good.

On making a change.

2011-01-25T10:32:00.003+08:00

After 4 years joining the working world, I am at a crossroads. I don't know, maybe I have arrived at a point where I feel like its time to escape and move on, instead of continuing to do something less rewarding. Have you ever felt this way? Like you are walking on an endless road but suddenly there is this thick, concrete wall stopping you from moving forward?

I think its time. I want to do something more gratifying. Yes I may not get the same pay and the same perks that I am enjoying right now, but at least I have a clearer purpose.

Oh well, people say in life you don't always get what you want, but I’d say, it’s not wrong to try getting it in the first place. At least, if you lose, you lose with pride. Either get it, or die trying.

It’s that simple isn’t it?

Sometimes looking back I wish I had explored more options when I finished my SPM. I should not have done this degree that I have now. I think I did it because back then the choices were vague. I personally think that the Form 5 students in my school were not exposed to many career and courses options, which made us settle with something that we thought we should do. That is why it’s important to have a career/course counselor in schools, it helps a lot. I wish I had one.

At this moment I am longing for a job that allows me to be creative, in a more, say, infinite way. Yes, all jobs require us to think creatively but certain jobs only limit you to be creative within its scope. Like IT for example, no matter how creative you could be, you can only do it within its boundaries. Because it’s a technical thing. You just have to stick with the rules, if not, it would just not work! No more technical stuff for me please.

I want to become a writer, or a journalist. Because I am passionate about discovering things, and sharing it out with people. And because I think too much, and I need a place to channel it out. I may not have the formal education, but I am going to search for the opportunity and just give it a try.

How about you? Have you ever been in a career change episode before? Any tips or two to share, or maybe just some opinion?

[Photo 10] Something i treasure the most.

2011-01-24T14:56:00.003+08:00

Our wedding bands.
I might not have the perfect carat, but it's the deeper meaning that counts. Its something that I hold on to dearly to remind me of our vows for eternity.

[Photo 9] A person who has gotten me through the most

2011-01-23T22:18:00.004+08:00

My love, my hubby.

Yesterday, now and forever.

Journey's end in lovers meeting - William Shakespeare

[Photo 8] My favourite hero

2011-01-22T00:17:00.004+08:00

I am a very big fan of the Lord of the Rings, and of course, my favourite hero is Aragorn son of Arathorn.

He is a strong and determined character, and yet amidst the war he is still a composed and elegant creature.

The Lord of the Rings is my all time favourite movie by the way, because i am touched by the blend of fantasy and reality that it brings. If you watch real close, the story is relatable to the real world that we live in today.

[Photo 7] A person i do the silliest things with....

2011-01-21T12:27:00.003+08:00

...is none other than my little sister, Akila.

She just brings out the kid in me. So by now you probably have figured out that i could be dorky sometimes :P

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.
-- Marion C. Garretty

[Photo 6] A photo that makes me laugh...

2011-01-20T12:49:00.004+08:00

...everytime!

Aidiladha 2009 - That's little brother with mom n dad. I was the one who put the lampshade on him. LOL

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity.

- G. K. Chesterton

[Photo 5] Something i love : Cooking with fresh food

2011-01-19T13:28:00.002+08:00

{source}

Because around good food,sweet memories and great companies are made :)

[Photo 4] Something i'd like to do again

2011-01-18T12:45:00.004+08:00

{source}

Travel on a jet plane, to a land far away.
And bring back memories i could cherish everyday,
I wish it could teach me a lesson or two,
Which adds to my wisdom to share with you,
Because the world is a splendid place you see,
And while we are blessed with the gift,
Life is an exploration, thats how it should be.

[Photo 3] A picture of a cast from my favourite show

2011-01-17T15:43:00.003+08:00

Katherine Heigl's beauty is a definite.

I particularly love Dr Izzie Stevens (of Grey's Anatomy) because eventhough she struggles with her emotions, she still exudes grace, empathy and wit. And for me, that defines beauty from within.

[Photo 2] A photo with a person that i have been closest to the longest.

2011-01-16T08:37:00.003+08:00

Moi mama, of course. We have been together since the day i became flesh and blood.

Because I feel that in the heavens above
The angels, whispering one to another,
Can find among their burning tears of love,
None so devotional as that of “Mother,”
Therefore, by that dear name I have long called you,
You who are more than mother unto me.
— Edgar Allan Poe

[Photo 1] Me and 15 random facts

2011-01-15T08:21:00.000+08:00

A picture of myself with 15 random facts

Salam perkenalan :)

Bella heads high :)

2011-01-15T00:15:00.003+08:00

Bella had just hit the next milestone of her growing up business, lifting her head at a 90-degree angle on her tummy.

She is yet to learn to roll over, but for the meantime I made some time everyday for her to play on her tummy.

Oh, she is growing up so fast.

I miss the fragile and sweet little newborn Bella already. How time flies and never care of what it is leaving behind.

p/s: Pardon the hair, she got it from me :P

30 days photo challenge by Miss Shaelaiza

2011-01-12T22:55:00.003+08:00

Before its too late, and while I have some spare time, I would like to announce here that I will be taking part in this creative and fun competition *wide grin*, organized by Miss Shaelaiza.

Come and join us! Click on the banner to be directed to Sha’s site.

I am so excited about this, and I cant wait to get started! If you are interested to follow me through, you can go to my Tumblr site where I will be posting my entries. And don't forget to drop a comment or two ya?

Now, where did I put all my photos again? Better start editing or snapping away pronto! :)

Of how much a baby can change you.

2011-01-09T21:58:00.003+08:00

Being me, I am proud to say that I am a good at finding my feet. Throw me anywhere and there is a big likelihood that I will do fine. I thank the experiences that led me to being the way I am. Perhaps being sent to boarding school at a young age has its perks after all.

As proud as I can be of my adaptability, but when it comes to having a baby, I once found myself wondering whether I can make it through. Will I be able to take care of her? Will I be a good mother? How can I ensure that she gets all the best she deserves? What would people say about me being a mom? And the list goes on…

Having a baby really changes you. Or at least, it does change me.

Having a baby brings out the best in me. I have learned to spot my bad traits, and I try my best to improve.

I used to be a very hasty and impatient person, especially when it comes to something that I really wanted, but now, I have learned to take it easy. Its not that I should stop from pursuing what I want, but it’s simply to take more time to look before I start leaping. A baby teaches me this, by forcing me to learn her character in order to understand her needs.

A baby teaches me to be more confident of myself, because if I am not confident enough, I couldn't raise her to be a confident and strong human being herself. And for that I have learned to count my blessings ever more, and be thankful for what Allah has given me. And as simple as it can be, I have learned to embrace my body. To live with what I have for now, and try to work with it instead of spending too much effort to change it (yes, I am talking about my baby bulges). Don't get me wrong again, its not that I should stop making effort (because with effort and prayer, only one can change), it’s just that I should know how far should I go.

3 months Bella has been in my life, 3 months I have lived more contently. And now I look forward to many more changes and surprises that she will bring, being part of the gift called family :)

Of 2011, and come what may.

2011-01-05T17:51:00.000+08:00

Aaah, its already the 5th of January 2011, and here I am just barely giving a real thought about my resolutions for this new year.

I had a Whatsapp conversation with my dear friend Sarah this morning about 2011 and our resolutions, and I figured why not I really make an effort to document and try to make it happen (for real).

So here goes, my resolutions for this year. A quick disclaimer, I said I will try to make it happen. And yes, I will do my best to get to it.

1) I have been complaining about my job for some time, and I think now is the time for me to do something about it. So I am getting a new job this year.
2) Get a scuba diving license
3) Keep-in-touch better with families and friends
4) Be happy with my body image
5) Get back on the fitness track
6) Travel somewhere far
7) Be a better person, as a whole.

Yes that's about it. Apart from raising my daughter, those are what I am going to do this year.

And good luck in realizing your resolutions too! ;)

For the love of Paris

2010-11-22T16:30:00.006+08:00

Just to share. By the way, Paris, happens to be the loveliest city i have visited so far. Its still at no 1 in my list (well its not like i have travelled around the world already).

An overdue post - My labor story

2010-11-11T15:56:00.003+08:00

A few hours old

I am cuddling my little angel while i am attempting this post now. She is just done with her supper.

My baby, Engku Salsabila bt Engku Emri, have arrived safely into the world on 7th Oct 2010,5.34pm, weighing in at 3.19kg, via csection. I was induced on my 38th week of pregnancy, due to my high blood pressure. In retrospect i wish i had a normal delivery, and of course i wish i could have waited until nature makes its course. Anyway i am still thankful to Allah because we both made it through, and as the saying goes, kita hanya mampu merancang, Tuhan yg menentukan..

My first labour experience was a really impactful one. Because i was not prepared for a csection, the journey was not as what i expected at all.

I admitted myself into the hospital on 6th oct. Got induced with a gel method in the afternoon. Contractions happened shortly after, but it was still bearable and period-pain like. I even had dinner at a fav spot.I guess everyone does this heheh.

Spent the night with the contractions, and leaked just a bit of amniotic fluid with bloody show. I thought i was dilated much but to my dismay my cervix just barely made it to 2cm.

The next morning doc came over and my dilation was still poor. So she sent me to the labour room and it was time for the dreaded Pitocin. After the 2nd bottle, the contractions was really close and very strong. Dilation was just abt 5cm, and it was already 24hrs since i was induced.

During the strong contractions i was really using up my energy to endure the pain. My obgyn noticed that baby's heart rate started to drop with every contraction. After a while, she made a calculated decision that i had to go for an emergency big C.

So there i was, on the operation table and under a general anasthetic. Usually moms get half body anasthetic but maybe due to my emergency condition i had to go under. It was my first time in an operation theatre, but i had no time to freak out due to the extreme pain.

Next thing i know, i was awakened by the operation team. I was so drowsy and had to go for a bed rest for the next 6 hrs. Even so i got the chance to meet my angel, despite my exhaustion i fought my eyes and saw her sleeping sound beside me :) The feeling was overwhelming and i felt so complete.

There are many things that i have learn from this experience, and the most is to always be grateful to God for giving me a wonderful husband who stood by me through the worst of times.

And yes, as natural as pregnancy and labour can be, always prepare yourself with the many possibilities that it can bring. The most important part is getting you and your baby through, safely.

Dear Baby in 3D

2010-08-30T12:38:00.004+08:00

Just feeling like sharing this 3D scan of our little munchkin. I think the nose is obvious, where she got it *grins*

Oh baby dear, mummy and abah are soo excited to see you soon! :)

This day on this holy Ramadhan, i finally lift my lazy fingers.

2010-08-27T18:40:00.006+08:00

I am officially super rusty at blogging. I even feel that my writing skills has been lacking, due to the very low frequency of doing it. Even my B&B blog has been left alone for some time. Poor me.

I dont know. I guess this pregnancy has taken a toll on me already. I am not complaining, but i am not denying the exhaustion. Plus i am not allowed to surf and browse the Internet in the office as much as could before. Stupid policies. And when i reach home, the only thing i can think of is hitting the sack and rest.

Anyway..i am now at 32 weeks. I cant believe it myself, but its the reality. The belly is getting heavier, and baby is getting livelier :) I cant wait to see her, but i am also quite anxious about delivery. Well, its more of a "fear of the unknown" thing.

So far most of the preparation have been done, and i am now left with very few in my checklist. I am supposed to start packing my hospital bag, just in case, but no i have not started yet. I just finished the baby laundry, maybe this weekend i can start packing already huh?

The only thing that is bugging me now is finding the right babysitter. Previously i had this kind of informal agreement with my neighbour that she will help take care of the baby when i have to go back to office, but recently i found out that she is leaving to follow her husband to work in the west coast. Bummer :( So now we have to start the search again. I hope we will find the right one. I could be one very hard person to please, especially when it comes to my baby.

Speaking of delivery, i have found a great service provider for my confinement, finally. Would like to promote it a bit, because i have a good feeling that it will be worth my penny. I am lucky that i get to have confinement at my mum's house in Putrajaya, so i have the option of hiring this provider. If you are interested, do visit their website here. Package is customizable.Will try to review more after the confinement experience.

Oklah. Gotta stop now. Its 6.50 pm and i have to prepare for break fast. I made panna cotta today, cant wait to taste it (since its my first time).

Have a blessful Ramadhan to all my Muslim readers :)

Babymoon

2010-07-08T17:59:00.001+08:00

There is this thing called babymoon, that I discovered from The Bump. After giving it a thought, I think why not? At last after persuading and convincing hubby, he agreed to it. And we are heading for our babymoon this weekend, yeay! After all, this is our last chance of having a time exclusive to both of us, reflecting on our plans on the future and truly enjoy each other’s company.

Of course babymooning is not like a typical holiday, where you go to many places and explore. Because I just finished my second trimester, and the belly is getting heavier now, we chose a place to relax and unwind. And not too far away, just an hour drive from KL. It is a spa resort actually, so I really look forward to what they can offer to a pregnant lady like me. Honestly a simple head and back massage could do wonders these days, it just feels sooo damn good.

Well let’s just save the story for the post babymoon post shall we?

Speaking of baby, I am now in my 26th week of gestation. Baby is moving ever so much now, and I notice that she has her own schedule. Our next prenatal checkup is for the 3D scanning, and I can’t wait to catch a glimpse of this little munchkin inside :)

I am in a dilemma right now, whether to deliver in KL or in Kuantan. The thing is that I am going through my confinement period in Putrajaya, so wouldn't it be easier if I just deliver there? Problem is, the due date is just an estimation, I will never know when is the right time, unless there are certain things that requires me to go on with a planned delivery. Any tips or advice?

God's trials comes in many forms...

2010-06-24T19:41:00.004+08:00

...and for us, it was in a form of a 10 year old boy and his brother.

Last Sunday we had our lunch at a fast food chain, somewhere in Kemaman town. I was looking for ABC to satisfy my cravings and because it was such a hot day, but to my dismay, none was found. So the easiest and fastest way is of course the fast food.

On the way in i noticed these 2 boys playing outside the restaurant, the older brother was casually lying on the sidewalk, toying with his own slippers. The younger one was making fun of his brother, and obviously both of them was having a good time.

I whispered to hubby, "Ish budak ni, baring pulak dia atas jalan ni". Hubby just acknowledged my note with a small laugh.

So we both went in straight to the counter, ordered our food, and while we were doing so, those 2 boys was peeping through the window, i was not sure whether it was part of their game or something else. Hubby, was looking around and somehow made eye contact with them. He teased them with his face a bit, and at that moment i knew that the boys was looking for an opportunity.

We chose to sit at the upper level of the restaurant, and just a few minutes after we sat down, we heard voices coming from the staircase. Just as i have thought, the 2 boys was making their way to our table. I whispered to hubby to just ignore them and see what they want to do. So the older one came close, and stood by the table, looking at hubby. The younger one was a bit shy, and his brother had to call him a few times to come by.

Who in the right mind can bear to let a young kid stare while eating away like that, so hubby asked the older brother to sit beside him. We started a conversation. After asking the basic questions of the parents whereabouts and where he came from, i asked some more questions. "Adik datang sini buat apa?". Then he said, "Mintak". "Selalu ke datang sini?" "Selalu.." "Mak tau adik datang mintak?". "Tau". "Tak sekolah ke hari ni?". "Mak tak bagi pergi sekolah".

Well you see, these 2 boys did not look like they come from a really poor family, judging from the clothes they were wearing. So we came to a conclusion, perhaps, the mom was not aware where her sons was at all, or maybe, they really are some poor folks from the village nearby. Either way, we hope the best for them.

We gave them something for the road anyway, just enough for the both of them, while, in the process, tried to put some advice in the brother's head. Something like go to school, save money, etc, you know, all the stuff people say to kids so that they do not turn out bad when they grow up.

Sigh. We hope they will do fine eventually.

And as for us, that was one heck of a trial, i shall put it that way. Especially given the fact that we are both going to be parents soon.

Dear God,please gives us the strength and wisdom, to raise our own children, to be the best they can be and give them the best that they deserve.Amin.

Finally a shot of my belly

2010-06-18T14:57:00.002+08:00

I realized that I have not taken much pictures of myself since I got pregnant.

I think I should start taking more pics now, and start making a compilation and see how much my belly grows each week. I noticed that baby is making a huge growth spurt, getting bigger and bigger each day.

This is me at 22 weeks. Before this I got many notes from people saying that my belly is quite small, but that actually depends on what I am wearing. If it's a flowy and loose shirt, then the bump looks really small. I get annoyed at first, but now I think they can’t say much because baby is starting to make a point.

I bought this pregnancy book called “You: Having A Baby”, and now I am at the delivery chapter. To be honest it’s quite scary, but I am quite happy with the information because at least it helps me expect what may come.

The tricky part for me now is the contractions. From my readings, some pregnant moms do get Braxton Hicks as early as 22 weeks, but for myself, I am not sure. I am really not sure of how it feels like, so maybe some of you could help shed some light?

For sure, I am experiencing some discomfort at my pubic bone area now, but from my readings (again), I get to understand that it’s just my pelvis trying to make room for delivery soon, and it does affects the pubic bone. Well I am going to check with my obgyn tomorrow anyway, just to be sure.

Aaaah…the good feeling of weekend is already dawning on me. I like. *grins*

The table has turned.

2010-06-17T17:52:00.003+08:00

My prediction of Spain winning 2-0 over Swiss went so wrong!

Who could have guessed that the Swiss won yesterday's match? Anyway, my not very professional conclusion is that Spain ran out of luck, and maybe ran out of skills? And Swiss, definitely luck. Not a very impressive goal but then, win is win. They have all the rights to rejoice (at least for now).

What a nice shock for this round of World Cup.

Next, Argentina vs South Korea!

Tres Adorable!

2010-06-17T12:14:00.007+08:00

I should start watching more cute kids, so this little munchkin inside can turn out as one too.Right? *grins*

The mummy of this girl does a darn great job of documenting her kids, especially Ms Capucine, in her blog here. Enjoy!

22 weeks

2010-06-16T17:07:00.005+08:00

5pm has become an official snacking time for me, especially in the office.If i do not do so, i will end up so hungry on the way home and i started to feel like eating a storm. Which, will actually trigger a very bad heartburn.

That's a chicken sandwich, drizzled with chilli sauce (yeah i know thats a lot :P)

I have learned to eat timely. But in small portions.I think that way works best for me now.

I am at 22 weeks now. See the ticker? Its slightly past halfway. Gosh time flies soo fast! Feels like it was just yesterday that i saw the double lines on the stick.

Baby has started to move more frequently these days. Poor hubby has not yet got the chance to really feel it, but he will soon. Yesterday was the first time i saw my belly literally "moved" due to baby's flailing and kicking.Or maybe, she is just as excited about the World Cup as me :D

Speaking of which, i am rooting for Argentina this year. But there are other teams who are playing well too, including Germany of course. Spain is playing against Swiss tonight, my bet, Spain 2-Swiss 0. We'll see.

Kitchen Therapy

2010-06-14T12:21:00.004+08:00

They say shopping is the best therapy.

I say yes it is, and so does kitchen therapy.

Project hujung minggu (sangat hujung because i started at around 6.30pm Sunday): Popiah sardin.

Tapi dapat seciput aje..alahai..then i got too lazy to mix up another can of sardines. Oklah next week pulak.Hihi.

p/s: But then i seem to get my balls of my feet aching when i spend too much time standing and working in the kitchen. Gotta cut down the kitchen projects now.

Welcome back!

2010-06-11T17:38:00.001+08:00

The thing about blogging is that you see yourself grow, through your own writing. I have been blogging since my internship days in 2005, and looking back at my posts, i could see how i viewed my world at that particular time. Somewhat quirky, somewhat naive and innocent, i shall say.Not to mention the moments of my life that i managed to put down in writing, and that too adds to the perks of keeping a blog.

It took me about 3 years to realize that Blogger is actually more flexible, for a person who is as fickle as me. Back in 2007 i have decided to move to Wordpress, because maybe i was looking for something more sharp and professional looking. However Wordpress also has its limitations, and one that annoys me most is i cannot get too creative with it (unless i subscribe to a payable plan, i guess).

Anyway, here i am again, back on the older blog that i used to write before. You can dig through my archives if you feel like getting to know me in the past. But from this post onwards, its me talking at this point of my life.

And now i have a home to go to back to, and a dinner to cook for a beloved husband, and a baby inside (gosh, see how far have i come?) ;)

A letter to my baby : 21 Weeks

2010-06-09T12:17:00.000+08:00

Dear baby,
It has been officially 20 weeks since you made your existence in my tummy. Up to this point, our journey was a rollercoaster ride, especially for me, but I am glad that you seem to be doing fine. You made me realize how mothers are able to compromise and make sacrifices, right from the moment that they have a child in their womb until forever. You made me appreciate my own mother even more, simply by sitting quietly and growing in my own womb.

There has not been any time that I counted days more than I do now. Each day seems to crawl sometimes, but at some days it seemed like a breeze. Every Tuesday I would eagerly check my email, for the notification that I am hitting the next week. And now look at us; we are already half past the journey!

My baby,
I know we just barely made it halfway, but honestly I am so eager to meet you already. Sometimes before I close my eyes to sleep, I imagine how the day of your arrival would be. It scares me, I admit that, but as much as it does, the fact that I get to cuddle and kiss you in my arms chases those scary thoughts away. I pray for us everyday, may God make our journey safe and sound for both of us.

Abah and I are contemplating on your stuff now, what’s best to get for you once you are in this world, so that you will get all the comfort and safe haven that you deserve. We hope that could provide you for all your needs and be the best parents that we could be.

Baby sayang,
So you just do your wonderful job of growing in there ok? We have another 19 weeks to go, and isn’t that a short time? Time flies, you will realize when you are here soon. And try not to be too active at night ok?

Mommy loves you

Love,
Mommy

HAPPY 50th MERDEKA!!

2007-08-23T14:15:00.000+08:00

Malaysia is celebrating its 50 years of independence. I am proud to be Malaysian. But, i have no plans for celebration,yet (hopefully).

Ugh...My social life needs a boost. I have not met my close friends for a while, and with the celebration coming up i really miss them. Usually we are one of the people who are very supportive of the Merdeka celebration is UTP, we even joined the national car convoy back in 2005. We did not mind being silly, and it was fun. Hey girls...wish u all r here. or wish i could live in KL like you all do! It is not about working in KL that appeals to me the most, it is just that at least i can keep in touch better.Seriously, if i am a SIM's character, my social meter would definitely be at the red.

Anyway, i will try and find something to do this coming Merdeka eve. Its a complete loss if i do not manage to, because i am really not sure that i am going to celebrate Malaysia 100th Independence Day.

I was driving to work last Tuesday, and like usual i tune to Fat Fabes and Ruben on FLY FM. The topic that morning was MANGLISH. They were saying that you are a true Malaysian when u can speak MANGLISH well. Which, sorry Dewan Bahasa, is what i agree to. People was calling in and suggesting a lot of phrases, which made me laugh the whole way to work....let me list out what i can remember..

1) Come come eat- a direct translation of "mari2 makan"...

2) Two two can - the numbers can be replaced, depends on how many..its a direct translation of "dua2/tiga2 pun bleh"

3) That fella aa...- my colleagues use this often.Especially when you are annoyed with someone.

4) Where got? - mana ada????

5) See how la.. - tgkla macam mana....

6) Later ho? - i think this originates from Chinese words..good for excuses..haha

7) Where somemore? - use this when when you expect more, or when u want to use the word "lagi?"

8) "lah" word - this is the most common word, its as if your sentence is not complete without it. i always use this, subconsciously. sometimes i even blurt it out when i was dealing with people from other country.

9) Can a? - boleh a? I think its a mixture of Malay and Chinese.

and other lots more which i cant recall. People may say its a pencemar bahasa, or whatever. But you gotta admit its another thing that makes us Malaysian. Anymore interesting Manglish to share?

Finally a time for my own.

2007-07-29T21:46:00.000+08:00

Hey.

Has been quite a while. The same excuses so i wont say it. Anyway, i am finally on a long break from work. Took annual leave for 5 days, until next weekend. Reason being: parents and akila coming back from Holland. Yeay!

I am at the cc nearby home in Ampang, together with 2 of my bros. We all cant wait for papa, mama and Akila to come home tomorrow. But then, need to take a good sleep tonight so that i can wake up early and drive to KLIA tomorrow morning. By the way they will be back for a whole month. Great huh?

So let me see where i left off..oh yes, it was in April. My Lotus Notes training in KL. sheesh, has it been that long.August is just few days away.Come August i will be 8 months as an employee of my company.

Speaking of which, i have found a new interest while being an employee here. MEDIC. aha, sounds off my field but yeah. As i have said some time before,my company actually has a very firm policy on HSE.So,we had a chance to be an Advanced First Responder..which means, some kind of like paramedics,but only as assistants. They give you trainings, and allowances. Ehem. But really, allowance is not only the best part. For me its the experience. So here i am glad to say that i am now a Certified First Aider. hehe.But then i hope that i would be able to apply it when the time comes. You never know, but at least now i am ready.Its an added advantage while working here, so yeah, worklife here is not very dull after all.